ARCHITECT'S HUMOR

CONTRACTING - SOME DEFINITIONS

(Added 2008-08-13)

AUTOCAD LESSONS ?!

(Added 2008-08-13)

CAD MONKEY 1

(Added 2008-08-13)

CAD MONKEY 2

(Added 2008-08-13)

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, 'I'll have a CAD monkey please.'
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, 'That'll be £5000.'
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, 'That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?'
The Shopkeeper answered, 'Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money.'
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. 'That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?'
'Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff,' said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, 'That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?'
The shopkeeper replied, 'Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Engineer.'

THE ARCHITECT SONG

(Added 2008-10-15)

(to the tune of I Will Survive)


At first I was afraid, I was petrified,

Thinking I could not design what you had specified. But then I’d spent too many years redrawing what you just built wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along. And now you're back, With more floor space, I just walked in to find you here with that QS look upon your face, I should have changed that stupid plan, I should have made you pay that fee, If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me, Oh go now go, delete that door, move the wall around now you don't wanna pay for it anymore, Were you not the one who tried to break me with your endless RFI’s, Did you think I'd crumble, did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I

I will survive....

THE CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY EXPLAINED

(Added 2009-05-14)